Color My World

As I am self-centered, I do regularly check the stats. for this blog.  I'm also terribly needy and must make sure that both my followers are still reading.  Technically I have three followers.  It's just that my mom isn't computer savvy so other people have to navigate the site for her. 

In addition to stats. it also shows key words people used to end up on my blog.  Sometimes people are using key word to get here on purpose.  Other times they stumble here via their key word search.  (Can you imagine what they must have thought?  Especially the hits from Germany and other countries. "Ja.  No wonder American space program failing.  They are putting autism children in space.  Is true.  I read it on the Internets.")  Recently one of the key word searches listed was "Reluctant Astronaut Coloring Book."  I was like, really?  Did someone beat me to the marketing punch?  Then I was surprised that someone would want to make an R.A. coloring book let alone color in one.  Upon further investigation, however, I discovered that this coloring book has nothing to do with my R.A.  Apparently there was a movie made called The Reluctant Astronaut starring the venerable and talented Mr. Don Knotts.  No doubt that was a contender for the 1967 Academy Award.

But that got me thinking what a coloring book about my R.A. would contain:

• Pictures of ketchup (packets and bottles), Pringles, Munchos, and chewies under which captions read: A good astronaut needs to have a healthy diet so that he is prepared for the invasion and subsequent battle for domination of Earth.  Broken Pringles are an affront to the R.A.'s delicate sensibilities.  Most earth food is inedible. Walking while eating improves digestion. Toe walking while eating really improves digestion and builds up calf muscles.
• Pictures of the R.A. in action: A good man servant knows to always keep his master's juice cup full (or he will feel his master's wrath!)  To build his leg muscles, the R.A. scales Daddy's bureau daily.  Mommy did not give the R.A. a banana as he demanded.  The R.A. does not want to hear her pitiful excuse that there are no bananas.  Therefore the R.A. will chin Mommy's arm.  Repeatedly.  Regardless of the fact that she is attempting to strain a large and steaming pot of pasta.
• Pictures of Thomas the Tank Engine: One of the few worthwhile creatures on Earth are Thomas and some of his cohorts.  That Sir Topham Hat is already marked for vaporization as well as his overbearing and demanding mother.
• Pictures of intricate designs created from Dum Dum lollipops: The R.A. regularly communicates with the home planet and shares invasion plans.

I mean really, what child could resist?  Well, the R.A. for one.  He will only color on things that are absolutely not meant to be colored on like IEP (Individualized Education Plans) reports or his sister's homework.  The R.A. does have lots of actual coloring books.  When we hand them to him he looks at them with a disdainful expression as if we are attempting to give him a bag of broken Pringles.

Just wait until the R.A.'s action figures come out - with ketchup bottle action grip!