Nothing to See Here

This afternoon I was puttering around, having a swell time for myself doing laundry and washing water bottles.  The R.A. was upstairs.  Since doing the laundry required running up and down the stairs at frequent intervals, I let him remain on the second floor "alone."  He was also clutching the "Stick of Infamy" and in addition to waving it wildly would tap and whack it on the floor so I could hear his exact location above me - "Tap, tap, wham, wham!"  Okay, he's in the hall.  "Tap, wham, tap!"  Now he's moved to his bedroom, "Whack, whack, tap, tap, tap!"  He's migrated to my room, etc.  It was like a primitive ancestor to sonar - if sonar came with caterwauling.

At one point I remained on the second floor for an extended period of time, frolicking in my room as I sorted laundry.  Since we were now pretty much on the same floor at the same time (except for those moments when the R.A. would march up and down the stairs, yowling and whacking the stick - he was either trying to rally the troops or somebody is in for it - I hope it's not me) I admit I relaxed my R.A. vigilance.  I suddenly realized I had not heard any whacking in a while.  Off I bolted to investigate.

I found the R.A. in the bathroom.  He was seated in front of the cabinet underneath our bathroom sink.  The minute he saw me he shoved closed the drawer that had been previously opened and gave me a quasi- innocent look that said, "Hey, what's up?  Not doing anything here.  Just hanging out in the bathroom, checking out the fine design of this bathroom cabinet.  What is this wood, balsa?  Nice, very nice.  You can go now."  Despite the R.A.'s quick silver reflexes, I had caught him examining certain items in said drawer such as a couple of screw drivers and a very large hammer.  He was doing a pretty thorough appraisal, lifting them to the light, running his fingers over them.  The R.A. had a look on his face that said, "Humph.  Interesting."  He was in deep contemplation which explains why he didn't hear me coming.

A few things come to mind as I reflect on this:

• The R.A. has joined an intergalactic mob outfit as an enforcer and will use the tools in threatening ways to shake down "clients."
• The R.A. will use the tools in threatening ways to shake down his parents/caregivers.
• The R.A. will use the tools to make his great escape.  

Initially I thought since the R.A. doesn't know what a spoon is for, it will take him a while to figure out how to use the tools.  After briefly thinking about it (8 seconds) I quickly recognized that the R.A. possesses superior intelligence when it comes to figuring out those things we would classify as "naughty."  Therefore, he doesn't know what a spoon is for but I'm absolutely certain that if I left him unattended with the tools for a minimum of 6 minutes he will have removed both banisters from the second floor stairway and disassembled the microwave.

So, currently, I have the R.A. with me in the living room.  He is multitasking - pacing, yowling, stick whacking AND eating Pringles.  I know the R.A. is biding his time until he can race back up the stairs to the bathroom and get his hot little hands on the tools.  I am biding my time until I can put him to bed and hide the tools.  Of course the R.A. will find the tools within a short period of time and thus we will have created another exciting and action packed game - "Where Are Those Items You Don't Want Me to Have Located Now And Don't Bother Trying to Fool Me Because You Have the Intelligence of Summer Squash That Has Gone Bad?"  I predict it will almost be as much fun as "Turn Off That Light Immediately If Not Sooner And I Don't Care If It's Pitch Dark and You Are in the Shower Attempting to Shave Your Legs!"