So what is it like having a child with autism?

So, what is it like having a child with autism?

I get this question a lot and actually like it when people ask. Unless a person has significant contact with someone on the spectrum he/she doesn't really understand what an autism driven world is about. Saying that, it isn't always easy to convey what having a child with autism is like. After much consideration, this is what I've come up with -

For me, having a child with autism is like living with an alien from another planet. I call him the "reluctant astronaut (R.A.)" because he really didn't want to come to earth, had absolutely no interest in this space mission. As a result, he didn't pay much attention at the briefings prior to the mission so doesn't know anything about Planet Earth - nothing about language, customs, or Earthling niceties in general. In fact, he is so disinterested in Earth that even though he was sent here, he has absolutely no desire to assimilate into Earth society. Meaning he still doesn't give a rat's ass about Earth mores.

That's also how I "explain" things he does that are pretty much unfathomable to me. For example - for a certain time period he liked to sit in the toilet. No, not on the toilet but in the toilet. I reasoned that on the home planet the toilet is a jacuzzi. Although eventually we managed to break him of this habit, the jacuzzi explanation popped again during potty training when the R.A. demonstrated not only an aversion to the toilet but would have all out nuttys when placed on one. He was probably thinking, "Poop in the jacuzzi? What is wrong with you people? Miscreants!" That's what he would say if he could speak English or any Earthing dialect.

For a time I was also convinced that not only was he a reluctant astronaut but was actually an alien cat that somehow ended up in a human body. It does make sense -

Cat

Has to everything his way

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto

Cat

Don't touch me!

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto

Cat

Doesn't speak human language

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto

Cat

Doesn't wear clothes

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto (Well, would if he had his way)

Of course I don't really believe my son to be a Reluctant Astronaut.

But sometimes it sure makes sense!

Disclaimer: Although I sometimes describe things about life with my R.A. in a humorous way, please understand that I am not laughing at him. He is my son and I love him very very much. I come from a family that had its share of challenges and I learned from a young age that laughter is powerful. A situation cannot completely hurt you if you are able to find humor and laugh at some parts of it. So that's what I do. And I don't use humor solely with the R.A. My daughter was born with a heart condition that required immediate surgery. (No, I don't make good babies. They come out broken.) She was whisked away by ambulance to the hospital in Boston. It was all unexpected and traumatic. A nice young intern came to speak with my husband and me and was re-assuring us that nothing we had done caused the baby's condition. The stress and sorrow were overwhelming. When the nice young intern concluded I turned to my husband and said, "See, I told you it wasn't from all that smack I did during my pregnancy." The intern froze and then let out this huge belly laugh. Was I appropriate? Probably not. But I had to do something to relieve the stress. Astronaut life is stressful so find the laughter where you can.
And as G.K. Chesterton said, "Humor can get through the keyhole when seriousness is still hammering at the door."

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Lego My Lego

At my place of employment we run a popular Lego Club for kids.  We have a ginormous box of  Lego pieces from various kits.  For Lego Club I just plonk large piles of random Legos on tables and the kids go to town.  And boy do they go to town!  The things they construct are amazing.  Meanwhile I can't figure out how to attach wheels.  At one Lego Club meeting a kid watched me struggle for a few minutes.  He snatched the pieces out of my hands, discarded most of them, substituted new ones and "Voila!" in less than 30 seconds had constructed a wheeled vehicle.  Slapping the vehicle on the table he told me, "You were using the wrong pieces."  Since the kid was only 8 years old he was too young to properly correct me in such a way as to let me know I was a significantly hapless and hopeless dope i.e. shaking of his head, an impatient tut accompanied by a sigh implying he found my stupidity tedious and an irritated "God!" which was shorthand for "Oh my God.  How can anyone be that stupid and still be allowed to live?  Everyone knows how to make Lego vehicles."  Fortunately he's not at that place - yet.  But due to extensive training from the R.A. who, except for the irritated declaration of "God!" (only because of his speech issues) pretty much does everything else described above to imply I am a hapless and hopeless dope. I am already prepared.

My husband has brought both of our children to Lego Club.  My daughter spends the time building Lego creations.  My son spends his time:

1. Out in the audio-visual section of the Children's Department.  One of his favorite library activities is visiting the Thomas the Tank Engine videos (no, not DVD's).  The visit begins with the R.A. breaking free from whatever adult (usually my husband) has accompanied him to the library.  He then bombs over to the AV section.  After locating the videos the R.A. then excitedly jumps up and down in front of them while flashing his gang signals (stimming his hands).  Once the niceties are out of the way he then removes the videos from the shelves, sometimes creating patterns on  the floor a la Dum Dums, sometimes using them as one would building blocks.  Always screeching when  the accompanying adult attempts to remove the videos or the R.A.

2. In my office "coloring" on any piece of paper he can get his hands on, regardless if it's something I actually need for work.  I used to have a bag of Dum Dums in my office (used to bribe middle schoolers into answering questions while on library tours).  Although that was last year the R.A. still enters my office searching, demanding, and keening for the Dum Dums.

Toward the end of Lego Club, my husband and the R.A. will venture back into the meeting room.  As the R.A. is so quiet and retiring he never likes to call attention to himself.  Therefore he usually tears around the room at a frantic pace, cater walling.  He sort of looks like a slightly bigger than average chihuahua on smack.  The R.A. does have a strong aesthetic sense and will occasionally pause to check out some of the creations.  He will demonstrate his approval for a piece of work by leaving a half eaten lolly next to it on the table.

The R.A. also takes time to mingle with the other kids.  A loud cater wall call will alert some unsuspecting child that something is happening.  The child will then look up from his Legos to see the R.A. racing toward him at full speed.  The R.A. comes to a screeching halt just prior to perceived impact.  What the unsuspecting (yet now a little freaked out) child sees is a small boy with more than his fair share of cowlicks, probably with a Dum Dum stuck somewhere to him, screeching and wildly flailing his arms.  In the R.A.'s mind what is actually happening is, "Oh, hey!  I really love your work!  Let's be friends!"

Obviously, since it is Lego Club and the purpose of the activity is to build with Legos, the R.A. does not go near a Lego.  Occasionally he will make a move  to take a Lego from his sister but that isn't interest so much as an opportunity to torment.

But then, suddenly, the R.A. noticed the Legos.  It was like, "Wait a minute!  Are you making stuff out of those little plastic things?  They connect??!!  All this stuff is made out of those little plastic things?  Is that why you guys come here?  So everyone is making stuff?  Let me try!"  Once that light bulb went off the R.A. grabbed some Legos and tried to connect them.  He became so enthusiastic he not only tried to take from other kids' Lego piles but attempted to break down their creations to get at the Legos.

Unfortunately the R.A. finally copped on to the whole concept of Legos at the last meeting he could attend because he started a new school and it was a schedule conflict for him.  I guess this is one of those "better late than never" deals.

No comments:

Post a Comment