So what is it like having a child with autism?

So, what is it like having a child with autism?

I get this question a lot and actually like it when people ask. Unless a person has significant contact with someone on the spectrum he/she doesn't really understand what an autism driven world is about. Saying that, it isn't always easy to convey what having a child with autism is like. After much consideration, this is what I've come up with -

For me, having a child with autism is like living with an alien from another planet. I call him the "reluctant astronaut (R.A.)" because he really didn't want to come to earth, had absolutely no interest in this space mission. As a result, he didn't pay much attention at the briefings prior to the mission so doesn't know anything about Planet Earth - nothing about language, customs, or Earthling niceties in general. In fact, he is so disinterested in Earth that even though he was sent here, he has absolutely no desire to assimilate into Earth society. Meaning he still doesn't give a rat's ass about Earth mores.

That's also how I "explain" things he does that are pretty much unfathomable to me. For example - for a certain time period he liked to sit in the toilet. No, not on the toilet but in the toilet. I reasoned that on the home planet the toilet is a jacuzzi. Although eventually we managed to break him of this habit, the jacuzzi explanation popped again during potty training when the R.A. demonstrated not only an aversion to the toilet but would have all out nuttys when placed on one. He was probably thinking, "Poop in the jacuzzi? What is wrong with you people? Miscreants!" That's what he would say if he could speak English or any Earthing dialect.

For a time I was also convinced that not only was he a reluctant astronaut but was actually an alien cat that somehow ended up in a human body. It does make sense -

Cat

Has to everything his way

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto

Cat

Don't touch me!

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto

Cat

Doesn't speak human language

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto

Cat

Doesn't wear clothes

Reluctant Astronaut

Ditto (Well, would if he had his way)

Of course I don't really believe my son to be a Reluctant Astronaut.

But sometimes it sure makes sense!

Disclaimer: Although I sometimes describe things about life with my R.A. in a humorous way, please understand that I am not laughing at him. He is my son and I love him very very much. I come from a family that had its share of challenges and I learned from a young age that laughter is powerful. A situation cannot completely hurt you if you are able to find humor and laugh at some parts of it. So that's what I do. And I don't use humor solely with the R.A. My daughter was born with a heart condition that required immediate surgery. (No, I don't make good babies. They come out broken.) She was whisked away by ambulance to the hospital in Boston. It was all unexpected and traumatic. A nice young intern came to speak with my husband and me and was re-assuring us that nothing we had done caused the baby's condition. The stress and sorrow were overwhelming. When the nice young intern concluded I turned to my husband and said, "See, I told you it wasn't from all that smack I did during my pregnancy." The intern froze and then let out this huge belly laugh. Was I appropriate? Probably not. But I had to do something to relieve the stress. Astronaut life is stressful so find the laughter where you can.
And as G.K. Chesterton said, "Humor can get through the keyhole when seriousness is still hammering at the door."

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Welcome to Bugaboo Creek, My Name is Lumberjack Jack and I'll Be Your Server

Friday night, to celebrate my upcoming vacation week, we went to Bugaboo Creek for dinner.  The minute we walked in the R.A. looked apprehensive and nervous.  He regarded our very personable server with absolute suspicion.  For my mother, daughter, and myself, it was a night out for dinner.  I think the R.A.'s interpretation of the event was completely different:

231st of Kwyzer in the 856th Year of Our Kitchen God

Report to Home Command

They have stepped up their efforts to break me.  This evening, in an attempt to intimidate, they brought me to another facility.  It was a chilling experience.  The facility itself was imposing and an exhibition in cruelty.  Hung around the large room were, what I am assuming, past prisoners.  One victim I did recognize, as I have seen his brethren at the place where I lodge.  They are ninja-like creatures that wear black and grayish fur costumes, complete with black masks.  I believe their order is called "Those G-Damn Raccoons" as that is what I have heard that Daddy Guy refer to them as as he picks up trash from knocked over trash cans in the back yard.  They are one of the big man's greatest adversaries.  Due to their intelligence, skill, and stealth, they always best him.  I am sad to report that their comrade in the intimidation facility was not lucky.  Apparently he attempted to scale the wall and was frozen to the spot obviously as a warning to others.  Other creatures were not only hung from walls but were also forced to speak at regular intervals about "thick prime cuts of meat" and "succulent summer shrimp."  It was completely barbaric and demonstrated the savagery of these Earthlings.  I must confess I was surprised that such a dimwitted race was capable of it.

The agent assigned to me attempted to play with my mind.  She acted friendly and smiled a lot, calling me, "Little Guy" and remarking how cute I was, especially my chubby cheeks.  But I wasn't fooled.  I knew that at the first opportunity she would grab me and mount me on the wall.  I made sure to never look her in the eye as we all know that making eye contact with Earthlings is fatal (or at least that's the rumor that's been circulating for the last 52 years.)  I even refused to share a "High 5" with her which for some reason all these Earthlings are completely mad about and constantly pester me for.  I notice they rarely request "High 5's" of each other which makes me wonder.

I felt my best defense was to call as little attention to myself as possible.  I maintained silence and tried to keep as still as I could.  That Mommy Lady and her second (Nana Lady) attempted to make contact with me but I refused.  I did show my disdain for them and the facility by throwing my juice box on the floor.  Twice.

Despite their best efforts, they did not break me although I admit it was quite an attempt.  Let me just say that Mommy Lady had quite a diaper to change when we got home.


Posted by at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)