So I was ecstatic when someone, under his own volition, (and also not under the influence of mind altering pharmaceuticals, well not that I'm aware of) offered to babysit the R.A. I'm sure the potential sitter only made the remark to be polite but tough tofu - he put it out there and you can bet your sweet bippy I'm taking complete advantage of it.
Mind you, we can't leave the R.A. with your run of the mill 9th grader. Only the Kitchen God knows what would be the end result of that. I'm picturing coming home to find the sitter bound and gagged with Thomas the Tank Engine sheets and the R.A. sitting in his father's sock drawer covered with melted popsicles and Pringle crumbs and cradling our set of steak knives in one hand while waving the "Stick of Infamy" in his other. Of course that's my sunny and upbeat version of what would transpire.
No, our sitter is actually a trained professional - in mixed martial arts. O.K., unfortunately we don't know someone like that. The real sitter is a special education teacher with extensive experience with ASD kids including the R.A. himself. It is pretty amazing that despite knowing the R.A., Mett* still offered to babysit him (the more I think about it the more inclined I am to consider that perhaps pharmaceuticals were involved...oh well, beggars can't be choosers.)
Why do we need a sitter? So that we can do dinner and a movie? Attend the theater? Enjoy a pleasant afternoon at CVS, shopping without worrying about someone jumping from the moving shopping cart to land spread eagle on top of the gigantic bag of Dum Dums conveniently located on the very bottom of the store shelf? The reason we need a sitter is that this coming Saturday my husband and I are conducting a "Sensory Santa" at my place of employment. It is basically Santa for the sensory sensitive set - lights low, carols playing softly, and a Santa who is reserved and soft spoken - think Gary Cooper with a beard. Ironically, we are unable to bring the R.A. as we can't run the program and watch the R.A. Thus the need for a sitter.
The following is based on an e-mail I sent to Mett about the babysitting gig:
Dear Mett:
By the way, if you want to bring the R.A. to the Sensory Santa program at the library, you can. It’s 9:30 – 11 AM and is a drop in and drop by program for ASD and sensory kids to visit with Santa. I leave it up to you. If you do decide to drop by, here are some helpful tips:
1. Hold the R.A.'s hand firmly as you enter the library as he will attempt to bolt from you. When holding his hand give him wide berth as he will attempt to head butt you in your man bits as he struggles to free himself. Don’t forget that the boy fights dirty.
2. Although the activity is in the meeting room he will prefer to be in our audio-visual area where he will engage in stacking Thomas videos into towers and subsequently become infuriated when you intervene. There will be aggressive chinning involved, primarily from the R.A. but you might end up engaging as well depending on how frustrated you are. Yeah, I’m going to go with you will be chinning too.
3. He will also attempt to get into my office as we keep a stash of Dum Dum lollipops in there. We have discovered that not only are Dum Dums the lolly of choice of Reluctant Astronauts but also middle schoolers on boring library tours.
4. Do keep in mind this is my place of employment so try not to shame me too much. Also, don’t take it personally if I act as if you and I (and the R.A.) have never met before.
So, I anticipate a big, fat, fun, and fabulous Saturday!
Yowlingly yours,
the R.A.'s mom
P.S. You may also want to know that although the school is now working off of the R.A.'s new IEP which is firmly addressing the chinning issue, the chinning has blossomed. Not only does he chin arms but now feet (his and other people's.) If you have steel toed shoes it would be recommended to wear them. Oh, and it does smart a bit when he chins an ankle – FYI. You know what? You might want to wear those fishing boots that go up to your hips.
*The name has been changed to protect the innocent and I don't want to blow it with the only person on the entire planet who offers to babysit the R.A. I am also required by legal action to do so.
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