A Brand New You!

This past year I've lost some weight.  People are always interested in how I did it.  I'll let you in on it. You've heard of the "South Beach Diet," the "Subway Diet," and the "French Woman Are Too Condescending to Ever Be Overweight Diet."  There is now a revolutionary new diet - the "Reluctant Astronaut's Turbo Super Diet Plan."  It isn't just a diet.  It's a way of life.

What is the "Reluctant Astronaut's Turbo Super Diet Plan?"
It is a patent-pending, carefully designed system that is proven to make you lose weight, whether you intend to or not.

Does it work?
The Reluctant Astronaut, the creator and official yowl-person for this system is still within fighting distance of his original weight - 7 pounds, 2 ounces.  You tell me if it works.

How does it work?
It's a complex system of rarely ever being allowed to eat and when you are permitted to partake of sustenance, you remain in constant motion.  It is a system of simultaneous eating and exercising.  So you BURN CALORIES WHILE EATING!  That's the genius of the system.
The R.A.'s Turbo Super Diet Plan also works because it curbs your appetite.  The system produces a mixture of indigestion and anxiety that will make it difficult  not only for you to digest food but will pretty much put the kibosh on any desire to eat.

It's that easy!
Is the R.A.'s Turbo Super Diet Plan right for me?
If you're reading this and you're an American, according to the media, you are morbidly obese.  So put down that piece of fried chicken, get off your fat arse, and do this plan.
What does it cost?
Here's the really exciting part.  It costs NOTHING!  The only thing you need to pay for is shipping and handling of a small alien. And also - carefully vetted juice boxes, bananas, "Finding Nemo" gummies, Dum Dum lollipops, 100 calorie chocolate chip cookies and Pringles. When the R.A. comes to stay in your home as your personal weight loss counselor, we strongly recommend having these supplies on hand.  You want to lose the weight but do you want to lose your sanity in the process?  I mean, am I right?
Contact us today and we will throw in, at no extra charge, the nine year old "World's Pickiest Eater" (9 years running!)  Her whining and incessant demands are guaranteed to ruin any meal time thus speeding up your weight loss process.

What are you waiting for?  You won't recognize the person you will become (what with the dark under eye circles, stress wrinkles around your mouth, and shaky hands...)
Disclaimer: The R.A.'s Turbo Super Diet Plan has been known to induce nausea, light headedness, dizziness, hair loss, tooth loss, and ulcers.  Stop using this product if you develop persistent babbling, night terrors, fear of small boys with freckles.  Contact your doctor immediately if you have uncontrollable bouts of weeping or suicidal thoughts. Do not use this product if you are pregnant, have been pregnant, considering becoming pregnant, ever thought you might be pregnant, have impregnated someone (either on purpose or accidentally), are considering impregnating someone, know someone who is pregnant or know someone who is considering becoming pregnant.  Do not use drugs or alcohol while using this product (although only the Kitchen God knows it will be a mighty temptation).  The use of drugs or alcohol will only increase the severity and frequency of seizures and blackouts.

Become the you you never imagined you'd be!  Whether you want it or not!