Magical Autism World

The trip to Disney got my husband and I talking about how popular a park for families on the spectrum would be.  Families would love it and recent studies show that there are more families on the spectrum than neurotypical families.  Okay,  that last part is not true.  But our numbers are growing rapidly and there are enough of us that a "Magical Autism World" would be a HUGE money maker.  But then we started talking about logistics and realized it would not work because:

1. Everyone would require a special needs courtesy pass to cut the line.  Sure, the line for the rides would be horizontal but it would still be a line.  We would just be walking sideways in the line.  Impossible for our stroller or wheelchair bound friends.

2. The sensory issues would be a nightmare - the lights are too bright, the lights are too dim, the lights are the wrong shape, there are an even/odd number of lights; the noise is too loud, the noise is too muffled, the noise is not in the correct sequence; the seats are too hard, the seats are too soft, the seats are the wrong color, the seat smells bad; the ride is too fast, the ride is too slow, the ride is facing the wrong direction; the balloons are too big, the balloons are too small, the balloons are too scary and elicit sharp high pierced, never ending screams.

3. Just thinking about the concession stands makes me start twitching: the burger buns are the wrong kind, the soda is the wrong brand, the mustard is in the wrong packets, the straws are the wrong color, the napkins are white, the napkins are brown, the napkins are too thin, the napkins are too thick.  And don't even get me started on special diets!

4. I can't even consider roaming characters.  Those poor S.O.B.'s would require hazard pay.

To accommodate everyone's needs, the park would need to be quite large.  We basically would have to take over the state of Rhode Island and that would just be for the parking lot.  The park itself would take up the entire state of Connecticut.

So unfortunately, "Magical Autism World" will never be.  My husband and I did imagine what the R.A.'s own personal "MAW" would be like:

1. Most of the rides would consist of swings of various sizes and colors.

2. All souvenirs and game prizes would be Thomas the Tank Engine themed.  All areas involving souvenirs and prizes would have adequate space to arrange said souvenirs and prizes in the correct formations on the floor.

3. Food at the concession stand would consist of: purple Popsicless (and only purple -" I do know the difference between purple and red, thank you very much"), John Deere gummies (yes, oddly enough there is such a thing and of course it's pretty much one of the only three kinds the R.A. will eat and yes, the others are equally odd and equally hard to come by), Pringles in individual containers, medium sized bags of Munchos, Cheerios, raw baby carrots, Dum Dums, Wheat Thins, McDonald's french fries and McDonald's chicken nuggets.  The condiment section will consist of ketchup, ketchup and ketchup.  And for those who don't care for ketchup there will also be ketchup.  To wet one's whistle there will be a large selection of "Clifford the Big Red Dog" apple juice boxes to choose from - don't even think about sneaking in any "Clifford the Big Red Dog" apple/grape mixed juice boxes.

4. There will be no picnic tables to sit and eat at.  Instead, throughout the "R.A.'s Magical Autism World" there will be low tables on which to leave food items.  That way the R.A. can wander around the park and graze on his tasty tidbits - his preferred method of dining.

Now who wouldn't want to spend the day there?  What could be more relaxing?