The Most Magical Place in the World - Not

Gentle Men and Good Ladies:
I apologize for a such a lengthy absence and sincerely hope you both forgive me.  My daughter and I were on vacation in Florida because everyone knows mid-July is the best time to visit Orlando.  Correction - second best time.  The best time is hurricane season.

No, the R.A. did not accompany us on vacation.  He has not been on any overnight vacations since he was two years old.  Needless to say, although he enjoyed himself immensely on that trip, the rest of the family did not and we pretty much vowed never again.  To demonstrate how bad a trip it was, my husband and I, the loosey of gooseys, have not broken that vow.  Thus, I took my daughter to Disney and my husband "stay-cationed" at home with the R.A.

It was important to me for my daughter to have this special vacation.  When it comes to special needs families I think it is hardest for the siblings because the disability dominates so much of the family's life.  Nothing is done spontaneously.  All plans revolve around managing the special needs kid -  D-Day took less strategic planning (and I'll warrant less screaming and bloodshed.)  I bet my daughter doesn't know that when other families go out to dinner they do not hit McDonald's first.

My daughter had never been to Disney.  I was pretty confident that she wanted to go - every time a Disney commercial came on the TV she would turn to us and say wistfully, "Gee, I just know Disney World is great.  I wish we could go."  Although the R.A. thinks his parents are dumber than mud, we do understand subtleties.  We got her hints so off we went to the "Magic Kingdom."

Or as my daughter referred to it, "the Unmagical Kingdom." 

We hit the Magic Kingdom on our first day in Orlando.  It was about 95 degrees with 300% humidity, in other words, a typical summer day in Florida.  The Magic Kingdom was very crowded.  Apparently the entire country of Brazil relocates to Orlando for the summer.  You can't walk 5 paces without falling over a Brazilian.  I heard Portuguese more than I heard English.  In addition, the theme park is taken over by the "Stroller Mafia."  If you don't trip over an over-excited Brazilian teenager wearing mouse ears, you will be taken out by a double-wide stroller that is decorated with Mickey Mouse balloons.  This meant that the average wait for the popular rides was 3 hours.  No kidding.  And that's with the inappropriately named "Fast Past." 

Upon arrival at the "Unmagical Kingdom," my daughter was shocked to learn that we would have to wait in lines for the rides.  One of the "benefits" of having a special needs child is the special needs pass.  Many amusement parks offer passes that allow special needs kids, and often their families, to cut the lines.  My daughter hasn't waited in a line for a couple of years.  When she learned we would have to wait in lines with the rest of the "unwashed masses" she said, "I guess it might have been good to bring the R.A."

I actually found the whole Disney experience rather cult-like.  We had one of those all inclusive Disney packages that included hotel and transportation to all the Disney parks.  They saturate and indoctrinate their guests pretty thoroughly.  The shuttle buses played only Disney music that was heavily peppered with tips about visiting Disney parks as well as strongly urging guests to book their next Disney vacations before this one was even over.  They also isolate their guests from the rest of the world.  Since we relied on the shuttles, our movements were dictated by Disney - no running out to CVS or Wendy's.  This also meant that instead of paying $2 for a travel sized container of sunblock, you paid $5 at a park or at the hotel gift shop. 

At the hotel there was a cafeteria where they sold mugs for $14.  We were encouraged to purchase mugs as you could refill them for free at any Disney theme park.  This really stuck in my caw.  Okay, I'll pay outrageous prices for a cheeseburger because things are more expensive on vacation.  All right, I'll listen to the Disney soundtrack ad nauseum as we are at Disney.  But I draw the line at being coerced into my beverage choices.  The only things offered for fountain drinks were soda and I'm one of those quasi-Amishly strict parents that doesn't allow my kid to drink soda at every meal never mind that I don't.  I just couldn't bring myself to purchase the mugs.

But lots of people did and let me tell you, those mugs were a BIG THING.  We would see people lining up first thing in the morning for the various shuttles, clutching their mugs.  People would be wandering around the resorts and theme parks slurping from them.  In the cafeterias and parks, next to the soda fountains were sinks to rinse the mugs and you should have heard people clustered around that area - "Steve, did you rinse your mug?"  "Does Terry need her mugs rinsed?" (Doesn't that sound sort of risque?) "Give me your mug, I'll do yours while I do mine." (Made me raise my eyebrow when I heard that one.)  Mugs, mugs, mugs.  "Our leader, Uncle Walt, created the mug on the seventh day.  And it was good.  We worship at the soda fountain altar."

Once we jettisoned the Magic Kingdom and I accepted that I would pay more for our food and beverages on vacation than I did for our monthly utilities, we had quite a fun time.  We visited the other Disney theme parks which were far less crowded.  I don't think we ever waited more than 15 minutes for any ride and that was without the special needs pass. 

Disney World would definitely be an "unmagical" experience for the R.A.  Primarily because there aren't any McDonald's at Disney and that would surely make the R.A. say, "Happiest place on Earth my a#*."